3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I looked at my own cervix.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
