he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
