3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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