im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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