She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
