he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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