I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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