I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude. I can hear the air.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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