We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
