Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
