Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
