I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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