Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
