Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
