Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
