i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
