So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
