I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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