i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
