Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
