Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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