ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
