He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
soo... how was my night?
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