dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
