I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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