Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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