Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
