I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
