Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
