ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
