life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
