You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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