That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
