not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
