i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
