I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
