I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
