You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
