i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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