Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
