the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
