i just wanna soil my oats bro
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
