I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
