Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
