Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
