The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
