So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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