I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
