Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
