Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
this hospital has no fireball
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
