You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
